This weekend a friend of mine was joking about how she was going to interview any potential dating prospects from now on. Presumably because my judgment has been so poor in this department.
I thought that was hilarious. I asked her what kinds of questions she would ask. She said they would probably be scenarios like, if a terrorist had Christy in one arm and your mom in the other and had a gun to both of their heads, who would you save?
I personally don’t think this particular question should be included in the interview. Even if I were open to the possibility of dating, I do not want to be in a relationship that is so serious that the guy has to pick between me and his mother. But I did think it was funny.
And I like the idea of coming up with some test. I used to teach, so I haven’t made up an exam in a long time. So I’ve been thinking about some potential questions, and here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
First of all, there are 3 people who are automatically approved without an interview:
1. Roger Federer
2. Tony Bennett (UVA head coach–not the 80+ year old singer)
3. Grigor Dimitrov (up and coming tennis player who is really cute and plays just like Federer. His nick name used to be Baby Fed but his coach won’t let people call him that anymore.)
But the first 2 are married and the 3rd is dating Maria Sharapova, so the odds are not in my favor.
And there are some people who are automatically excluded from the dating pool:
2. anyone who roots for Va Tech over UVA
Beyond that, I’ve come up with a few multiple choice questions:
1. What are your views on mental illness?
a. I don’t think it exists.
b. I think people just use it as an excuse to avoid responsibility.
c. I think you just have to suck it up.
d. None of the above.
2. How do you deal with conflict?
a. I avoid the issue for as long as possible until it blows up in my face.
b. I yell at the other person and make them think it’s their fault.
c. I shut down and give them the silent treatment.
d. I prefer to address problems head on.
3. How often do you communicate with your partner during the day?
a. I don’t.
b. I occasionally respond to texts.
c. I will send a text asking how she’s doing and then ignore her response.
d. I like to touch base throughout the day.
4. What is your philosophy on lying?
a. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little white lie.
b. I am all for it.
c. Does a lie of omission count?
d. I think honesty in a relationship is necessary to build trust.
The correct answer is always D. Is that too obvious?
That’s all I’ve come up with so far, but I’m open to suggestions. In the mean time, I think I’ll just enjoy being single.