Tag Archives: social media

LinkedIn is Not a Dating App

Posted on October 20, 2025 by Christy Barongan

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

For some reason, as I feel more like my best self, more guys try to contact me on social media.

The latest guy contacted me in response to my videos trying to promote my free lovingkindness meditation, which everyone is still welcome to attend if you send me your email. Free opportunity to change your life!

But I digress. This guy said he was from California and he was some kind of Mind/Body Coach and had high end clients and wanted to collaborate. I was suspicious, but I figured I’d give him a chance because it’s pretty easy to block people.

So this was the craziest pitch I’ve ever heard. He said he was teaching tantric massage and other body work, and he was meant to meet me because I was the divine feminine and he was the divine masculine. He promised me he could help me reach my full potential by teaching me some body work exercises.

I tried to get him to give me more specifics about what he actually does. How are your conferences structured? What are some examples of the skills you teach? If this is a collaboration, why aren’t you asking me questions about what I have to offer as a clinical psychologist? His answers were always vague and that we just need to get to know each other better so could we talk more tonight?

Because of my problems with saying no, I reluctantly said yes, even though I didn’t have a good vibe. This makes me a target for scammers. Luckily, because I have family, friends, and God to look out for me, nothing ever comes of it. In this case, I messaged him back and said straight up that I looked at his posts and we do not have the same goals (i.e., they sucked), and there was something about our interactions that didn’t feel safe, so I declined and thanked him for thinking of me.

Well this threw him into a narcissistic rage, just like De Becker says in The Gift of Fear. He sent 3 scathing messages, calling me a liar, among other things. Honestly, the messages were so toxic I deleted them without reading them. Then he wrote a sarcastic comment on my video about forgiveness. I figured I couldn’t report an issue because I didn’t have any proof. Interestingly, the next day his profile was deleted. Maybe his messages got tagged on his end. Or maybe he realized his cover was blown.

I’ve also had someone on a dating app try to scam me. All my friends and family warned me that he was probably trying to get money for me, but I thought I’d play along and mess with him just for entertainment. So I’d send a selfie and be like, send me a selfie of you right now! And of course he’d always have some excuse about why he couldn’t send one in that moment and end up sending a very posed photo where he had to be using a camera stand.

Interestingly, my clever sister-in-law was scanning the photos very closely and saw a name on some article of clothing. So we looked the name up on Instagram and it was from this guy in China. I don’t think he was the scammer, because he didn’t speak English. But the scammer used all of his pictures for his profile and for whenever I asked for an impromptu photo.

So then I just called him out on it and told him that I knew he was a scammer and that I had evidence. His sweet tune turned quickly and he said I was overthinking it and he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Boo hoo! I blocked him, but then a few minutes later decided to unblock him and in that short amount of time he had already changed his name on WhatsApp!

By the way, that’s a telltale sign they’re scammers–they try to get you to move to WhatsApp quickly. Luckily, I had saved all the messages and reported him to WhatsApp and the dating site.

The most surprising “inquiries” have been on LinkedIn. The first 2 guys looked legitimate. They had a ton of work history, listed their schools, maybe even had some posts. But after complimenting me on my dedication to mindfulness or whatever, usually the 2nd or 3rd question was if I wanted to move to WhatsApp. And with both of them I said, are you trying to get me to invest in Bitcoin? And this seemed to genuinely confuse them. So either they were more clever than the dating app guy or maybe they were just trying to get to know me. Which seemed even stranger to me because LinkedIn is not a dating app! So then I was like, well why would we need to move to WhatsApp? And they gave some BS answer about shared interests or something.

Their comments are also gone. I checked just now. So I guess they were busted.

This last LinkedIn guy from a few days ago was definitely a scammer. He had a high up position in “clinical affairs” so I accepted his invitation. But when I went to look at his profile when he sent me a message, he hadn’t even added a picture or work history. This is literally the message that he sent me:

Hi Christy，I was truly moved by your long-term dedication to clinical psychology ， it’s been such a consistent focus throughout your career. I currently work in clinical affairs for oncology drug development, and I often think about the importance of psychological support in treatment adherence and recovery. I’d really love to connect and exchange ideas with you, and perhaps explore opportunities for cross-disciplinary collaboration or shared interests in the future. 😊

Do your LinkedIn comments usually include emojis?

Prior to writing this blog I looked him up and he added a picture of himself and his cat, looking at each other. Very professional. Just to be funny, I replied:

You need more job history to look like a real profile.

But just now I saw he replied and here’s what he said:

Haha, serves me right! I’ve been meaning to address this! I actually work in oncology clinical affairs, focusing on integrating patient support and adherence strategies into drug development. That being said, I sincerely find your dedication to clinical psychology inspiring. I’d love to hear how you integrate mental health into patient care, if you’re willing to share. 😊

So what do you think? Clever scammer? Genuine interest in collaborating? Should I play along and see what happens? I’d love to get your feedback.

Faking Good

Posted on March 5, 2015 by Christy Barongan

Did you know that some personality tests are sophisticated enough to detect when a person might be faking bad or faking good? When I took one in grad school, the computer report said that I could either be faking bad, or that I’m just really hard on myself. Talk about sophistication! My Inner Critic was detected right away.

In general, I think people are more likely to fake good than fake bad. I am no exception. Most people can’t tell when I’m upset. Even when I tell people I’m upset, they don’t believe me because I’ll be smiling–like when I bought my mattress. So even when I’m trying to be honest, my face is still faking good.

Facebook is the perfect example of millions of people faking good every hour of every day. Even though I know from experience that things are often not what they seem, I still feel like my life pales in comparison to my friends with their happy spouses who declare their undying love for each other on their anniversary. Or their children who are winning sports competitions and getting good grades and saying funny things. Or their vacations to exotic places while I’m stuck at home because of the snow.

But then again, sometimes I’ll scroll through my pictures and wonder if people feel the same way about me. All of the happy pictures with my family. Pictures at sporting events, tennis tournaments, and karaoke parties with my friends. Pictures of my latest knitting project or the jewelry I just made.

Even if we want to be more honest on social media, it’s hard to do because it’s so visually oriented. Like, it never occurred to me to take a picture when I was getting my divorce papers notarized. Or to take a selfie of me lying on the couch, too depressed to do anything. I guess I could have taken a picture of that time I shattered my microwave door and had to sweep up hundreds of shards of glass, but I was too busy being pissed off.

The most honest posts I’ve seen are the ones where people say how they still miss a loved one on their birthday. I have not yet lost someone close to me, and the thought of doing so fills me with fear. And now I know that the sadness stays with you for the rest of your life. It exists right alongside of those happy family posts. But at least it makes the picture of their life seem more realistic, and therefore more relatable.

If you scroll through my wall, amidst the posts of family and friends, sports and crafts, you’ll see my blog posts. Verbal snapshots of my obsessiveness in action. Guilt and shame over failed relationships. Evidence of how difficult it is for me to be kind to myself. To believe that I deserve to be loved. That I’m worthwhile. This is my attempt to be honest through social media. My tribute to the complexities of real life.

But not everyone has a blog. So if you have ideas for how to stop faking good on social media, I’d love to hear them. It could be the beginning of a campaign. Like the one to stop bullying. We can work on the catchy phrase later.

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Posted in Psychology, Self-Acceptance and tagged Anxiety, Depression, grief, honesty, self-criticism, social media, vulnerability. Bookmark the permalink.

Popularity

Posted on September 22, 2014 by Christy Barongan

I was not very popular in high school. At least I don’t think I was. Although several years ago I talked to someone I went to high school with and he commented on how shy I was back then. Shy? Is that why people didn’t talk to me? I thought they just didn’t like me! So I’m open to the possibility that I have a distorted self-image.

At any rate, I know for sure that I did not do a lot of the things that were supposed to lead to popularity. I never drank or smoked or used drugs. I wasn’t a cheerleader, didn’t go to parties, didn’t go on the cool road trips like beach week. I did all my homework and studied for tests. Once I got 100 on a history exam and the teacher gave me a hard time for being a curve buster. The teacher. Talk about unpopular.

But I was OK with the choices I made because if you are a follower of my blog, then you know that I obsess about going to hell. So I was willing to forgo popularity to avoid eternal damnation.

But now, after a lifetime of escaping peer pressure and of preaching about the perils of social media as a psychologist, I find myself vying for popularity. In order to have a successful blog, I need followers, likes, tweets, shares, and comments. I had to open all of these social media accounts even though I have no idea what I’m supposed to do on them. I need to say stuff on these accounts that will make people like me and want to read my blog. The only problem is, self-acceptance never seems to be a trending topic.

I try really, really hard to use all of my knowledge of psychology to avoid getting down about how few followers, likes, tweets, shares, and comments I get. Here are a few of my strategies:

1. Perspective-taking. I remind myself that I have only been blogging for a year as of the 24th (my blog birthday!) and that it takes time to build an audience. In fact, my life will go on even if my readership never grows. And I would be perfectly content to write for this small group of people and for myself.

2. Intrinsic motivation. I remind myself that I am not in a race against other bloggers. I am not trying to win. The thing that drives me is to find out how far I can take it if I give it my all–to find out what I’m capable of.

3. Quality vs. quantity. I will probably never have a post go viral, which is OK. It’s more important to me that my blog is personally meaningful rather than popular–even if the only person it is meaningful to is me.

4. Honesty. Before I publish a post, I prepare myself for the possibility that people won’t think it’s as awesome as I do by reminding myself that the most important thing is that it’s true.

5. Control what you can control. I have limited control over what other people do. I can’t make them follow, like, tweet, share, or comment on my blog. However, I can control what I do, and the best way to get more readers is to write more posts.

So I am one post closer to my goal.

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Posted in Blogging, Psychology, Self-Acceptance and tagged competition, courage, popularity, social media. Bookmark the permalink.