I was married once. Ok, twice. Twice unsuccessfully. And I have to say, it kind of hurts your feelings to have 2 divorces. One is ok. Normal, even. Two starts to look bad. That’s why I have decided never to get married again. I have not gone through the legal steps to officially get divorced. That way if I ever have the crazy notion that I want to get married, I’ll have to do a lot of stuff first.
Admittedly, there are other reasons I haven’t officially gotten divorced. I don’t think that it’s up to the court to decide when my marriage has ended. I felt like it ended when I bought my own place. And at that point we no longer shared any property or bank accounts. But I do still have some of my stuff at his house because my place is so small. I guess if someone ever moves in with him I’ll have to rent storage or something. But I don’t have to obsess about that today. Although I was about to.
Also, it costs money to get divorced, and despite being a professional, I am just making it month to month. I suspect I must be doing something wrong since the average salary for an entire family is less than what I make, but that is for another post. If we got divorced I would have to pay for it all because he didn’t want to get divorced.
This last reason is irrational, but whatever. People do all kinds of irrational things. Even psychologists. Even though I already tell people I have two divorces, it’s different in my mind to actually have two separate slips of paper saying you’re divorced. They’re not even full sheets of paper. And it’s not anything important looking like a certificate. Like when Homer Simpson got a certificate and a stamp that said Not Insane after he was released from the mental hospital. I love that episode! Maybe they should give you something like that when you get divorced so you know it’s important.
In fact, the slip of paper looked so unimportant that the first time I got divorced I threw the thing away. But then when I was getting married again I found out that you actually need that little slip of paper, so then I had to get a copy of it. Which I did keep this time. Although I have no idea where it is at the moment. But that’s OK, because I’m not getting married again.
Despite my claims that this slip of paper is not important, I don’t want two of them on my record. It’s like having two strikes against you. Two reminders that you have not been able to successfully maintain a marriage. And who needs that?
However, if my unofficial ex were ever to ask for a divorce because he wants to get married, I would do so. That way he would have to pay for half of it.