winter

Snow Days and Olympic Dreams

Posted on February 14, 2014 by Christy Barongan

Today we finally got our big snow day. Enough for sledding, snow ball fights, building snowmen, and everything. But I am stuck home alone with no one to play with, so I didn’t go outside, except to take a few pictures. I’ve mainly been knitting a sweater–which I finished–and watching the Olympics.

I really want to be an Olympian. I don’t care about winning. I don’t even care if I come in dead last. I just want to wear the USA uniform. I want to attend the opening and closing ceremonies. Stay in the Olympic Village. Exchange pins with other Olympians.

The main obstacles standing between me and my Olympic dream are that I’m not that athletic or talented. And I’m too scared to do flips in the air or go high speeds. Which pretty much eliminates all of the events except curling. But that seems really boring.

I could imagine myself as an ice skater. But I didn’t grow up near an ice skating rink. And apparently you have to wake up at 5 a.m. to get your practice in, which would have been hard for a night owl like me. Even if I had been motivated enough to do it, I probably would not have been able to talk my parents into taking me to the rink every morning, what with my lack of talent and all.

I’ve tried to think of ways to get around the lack of talent thing. Maybe I could do one of the events in the Summer Olympics, like badminton. I don’t play badminton, but how hard can it be to get good at it? It can’t be harder than playing tennis.

I thought I could also increase my chances of qualifying by competing for the Philippines. I might even get to carry the flag since they only send about 4 people. That’s a 25% chance. I would need dual citizenship, which would probably mean paying taxes in the Philippines or something. I barely have enough money to pay my bills, so that would be a problem. Without the talent to attract sponsors, I would at least need money.

Plus, I bet even the badminton players are in good shape. I couldn’t even talk myself into exercising for 30 minutes today, so I might lack the necessary discipline to be an Olympian. Even if I were disciplined, my allergies, GERD, and exercise-induced asthma make it hard for me to engage in sustained physical activity. It’s hard to be competitive when exercise makes you throw up.

Hmmm. Maybe there really isn’t any way I can be an Olympian. Maybe I’ll just have to settle for knitting and watching the Olympics on TV. I hear the accommodations in the Olympic Village are terrible in Sochi, anyway.

Sophie drew this picture for you.

And here’s the sweater I knitted.

1 Comment

Posted in Self-Acceptance, Sports and tagged children, Filipino., internal family, knitting, Tennis, winter. Bookmark the permalink.

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Christy Barongan

Today the temperature is supposed to be in the 50’s, and many people are happy about this. A lot of people don’t like winter–particularly this winter, since it’s been unseasonably cold. But I don’t mind it.

I’m not that good at small talk, so it’s nice to have something to say if I’m forced to talk to someone I don’t know that well. I know this is true for a lot of those winter haters, too, even if they don’t admit it. And I’ve worn all the sweaters that I bought while I lived in Ohio and Pennsylvania, so I’ve had more wardrobe options.

Winter is usually a time when people feel more depressed because of the cold and lack of sunlight. Even though I was depressed in December, I’ve been surprisingly cheerful since the beginning of the year. I really like living alone. I like sleeping alone. So much so that I wonder if I will ever invite someone over again. I like knitting, making jewelry, watching sports, or writing a blog post without distractions.

Adapting to changes in the weather is a good example of how we can get used to just about anything. Before the first cold spell, I thought I was going to freeze to death when the temperature dropped to 24 degrees. Now it takes single digits before I think it’s unbearably cold. The other day one of my friends commented on how last week, when we had a day in the 40’s, it felt so warm she could have played tennis outside.

The same is true about living alone. When you live with someone, they may annoy you, but it seems like it would be worse if you had to come home to an empty house every day. That’s what I said not too long ago in my post on solitude. And when you’re used to living alone, you think it would be unbearable to have to deal with all the annoying things about another person, which is how I feel now. But I’m sure if I started dating again, I’d get used to having someone in my space and it would seem worth it. Hopefully.

In therapy, I often use the weather as a metaphor for feelings. I tell them to observe what they’re feeling at any particular moment, like Weather on the 8’s. Sadness with a chance of happiness later in the late afternoon. Fifty percent chance of an anger outburst tomorrow. Maybe we don’t like the weather when it’s 7 degrees outside, but it will change eventually. Maybe even later that day.

Ordinarily this is not the way we think about feelings. We dread when the other shoe will drop and our good mood will be ripped away from us unceremoniously. But when we’re in a bad mood, we fear that we will be stuck in depression or anxiety for the rest of our lives. The reality is, you can count on your mood changing, positive or negative, just like the weather.

We can also look at the weather in a more impersonal manner. We don’t blame ourselves if the weather is cold; we didn’t do anything wrong. And we don’t really have to understand the reason why it is unseasonably cold. I don’t particularly care about understanding the polar vortex. But if we feel sad for no reason and we can’t make it go away, we must be weak. Irrational. Crazy.

The other message I give to clients is that even when we feel sad or anxious, there is still something positive about that moment. And I don’t mean this in a think happy thoughts kind of way. When I feel depressed and can’t motivate myself to do anything, I have more compassion when a client says they spent the whole weekend in bed, feeling crappy about themselves. I have a better understanding of how much pain they are in. And it helps me to be a better therapist.

There is beauty in everything, even in the things we don’t like, but sometimes we have to look for it.